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.That’s exactly why I want you to tell me.You’ve learned to accept my being close with you like this without it troubling you.In just the same way, if you’ll give voice to the memories, the pain will leave.”He had a mighty arm draped around me as we sat before the fire and some moments ago had idly captured one of my feet with his.To argue his point would be difficult to do in view of how at ease I felt“You make it sound so simple.”“It is, Chrome.Tell me.Please.”His coaxing had a childlike disarming quality, and before I knew it, I was describing the Cabin, my going there, my meeting Vortex—Rover almost knocked me over in his haste to turn around, eyes fairly glowing at the mention of that magic name.I must go back a little and tell it again; he hadn’t realized this was Vortex I was speaking of.I had come into the room, yes, and he was standing there, yes, and his arms? Encased in black plastic cylinders?“Gods, Chrome!” he breathed.I had to laugh at his excitement.He must hear it all; he must know everything! It soon became all too clear, though, that I now was trapped.If I tried to skim over an incident, unerringly he sensed it and pounced.“You’re leaving out something.”“It doesn’t matter.”“Yes, it does.You were massaging him and then what happened?”“Rover, it has to do with sex—”“I know.They didn’t scramble all my brains.” I winced.He patted my head and smiled.“Now, go on.Just say what happened next”Somehow his reasonableness made it possible.When I stumbled and balked at the first encounter with Rond H’Lokk in his craft high above the desert, Rover shook his head patiently.“Don’t you see? I may have a chance to become a Warrior one day.Perhaps that sounds a foolish dream to you, but I believe it can happen—and I must know all about them.”“But, Rover, not all Warriors are—uh—for men.”“Apparently this one was.Please explain what took place.”I hesitated, then touched lightly on a detail or two.“Oh.” The dawn broke.“Well, I can’t do that.” Then with cheerful assurance, “But it doesn’t matter; I know all about it first hand.” I stared at him.“In the hospital after the Restoration Procedure.I awoke one night and this orderly had me in his mouth.I was, of course, puzzled and—”“Rover.”“Yes, and of course nothing happened.Because nothing could.But he didn’t know that.He was really aroused, and then he became completely angry when he found out that I couldn’t—”“Rover.?”“Yes?”“I don’t care!”“Well that’s what I meant about my being embarrassed.And why it’s different with you; when your body become confused, you do your best to hide it.You’ve never made me uncomfortable, and I like you for it.Now go on, please.”The first night I fell asleep talking, absolutely worn out, only to awaken, and find he’d carried me to my couch and was about to join me in the darkness.“What in the name of the Goat God—!”I pushed at him to let go of me and get up.“I mean no harm.You know that by now, Chrome.I only want—”“Will you please go away? Now!”A pause, a near-inaudible “Yes,” and I heard him pad to his couch on the other side of the cabinets which partitioned our sleeping areas.The next day.That evening.The following day.That evening, and at last I was through; I’d told him everything.At the sensual parts he’d nod politely or stop me shrewdly at attempted omissions, but matters of fighting and uniforms and weapons—! These brought forth a veritable battery of avid questions and requests for retelling.I grew dizzy with talking; hoarse, numb, exhausted.Ultimately I threw myself onto the pillows by the fire-pit with a great exhalation of relief.“There! You have it all, Rover, everything.Now, please, not another question out of you!”He was quiet for some little time.Then he spoke in a tone I hadn’t heard from him before; an element of suspicion had entered.“I’ve been wondering.The two of us in this situation.It has many elements.”“Of what?”“The past.Of you and Vortex and the Cabin.” He paused and frowned in thought.“Jamison might know.He was in charge following the plastic surgery.He was one of the first people I learned to recognize after the Restoration Procedure.But no; the times aren’t right.You see, they gave me this face, remade it, long before Vortex struck the bargain with S.O.R.A.for your freedom; even before you were selected from your graduating class as a Warrior candidate.“Perhaps S.O.R.A.had earlier planned some other means of catching Vortex off guard and assassinating him, and then using the ruse of my redone looks, at a distance, as a substitute for his.It would have made Vortex appear leader of some treachery which actually had originated with S.O.R.A.Yes, the resemblance I bear to Vortex may have been created as part of some such deviousness as that.”“But certainly not to act as merely ‘gift wrapping,’ the eye-catching outer cover of a thoughtful present from Jamison,” I said.“To ease the loss, to pacify me and deflect my attentions? Hardly now, at this late date!”“Please, Chrome, no offense.I’m not comparing myself with Vortex.I could never begin to give you what he—!”“The point, Rover.”Silence as he studied me with those soft brown eyes.“I’m wrong to think this guarding here with you was planned far in advance.It’s only part of a coincidence.A wonderful coincidence—for me, at least.”Warmly he started for me.“Rover,” I got up quickly, “I can’t stay now.I’m very tired.It’s late and I’m going to bed—which I’ve learned how to do very well by myself!”This last was to further ward him off.I had to get away and sleep.“You’ve told me so much, Chrome.I know it wasn’t easy; I just wanted to thank you.”He had said he couldn’t be hurt, so maybe the pain I saw in his eyes was a trick of light from the fire-pit.* * *Sleep came quickly that night but was fitful, filled with tossings and turnings.Around midnight I gave up and sat on the edge of my couch.Whatever giant mechanisms controlled our bubble’s atmosphere worked noiselessly now to renew it; their labors caused the warmth of a slight breeze to rustle the carefully wrought palm fronds which thatched the roof.Against the faint glow of night lights from the sleeping Complex far below us, I could see Rover’s outline.He was hunched up on the ledge of the porch nearest me.Guarding? I coughed quietly and pretended a yawn to tell him of my approach [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.That’s exactly why I want you to tell me.You’ve learned to accept my being close with you like this without it troubling you.In just the same way, if you’ll give voice to the memories, the pain will leave.”He had a mighty arm draped around me as we sat before the fire and some moments ago had idly captured one of my feet with his.To argue his point would be difficult to do in view of how at ease I felt“You make it sound so simple.”“It is, Chrome.Tell me.Please.”His coaxing had a childlike disarming quality, and before I knew it, I was describing the Cabin, my going there, my meeting Vortex—Rover almost knocked me over in his haste to turn around, eyes fairly glowing at the mention of that magic name.I must go back a little and tell it again; he hadn’t realized this was Vortex I was speaking of.I had come into the room, yes, and he was standing there, yes, and his arms? Encased in black plastic cylinders?“Gods, Chrome!” he breathed.I had to laugh at his excitement.He must hear it all; he must know everything! It soon became all too clear, though, that I now was trapped.If I tried to skim over an incident, unerringly he sensed it and pounced.“You’re leaving out something.”“It doesn’t matter.”“Yes, it does.You were massaging him and then what happened?”“Rover, it has to do with sex—”“I know.They didn’t scramble all my brains.” I winced.He patted my head and smiled.“Now, go on.Just say what happened next”Somehow his reasonableness made it possible.When I stumbled and balked at the first encounter with Rond H’Lokk in his craft high above the desert, Rover shook his head patiently.“Don’t you see? I may have a chance to become a Warrior one day.Perhaps that sounds a foolish dream to you, but I believe it can happen—and I must know all about them.”“But, Rover, not all Warriors are—uh—for men.”“Apparently this one was.Please explain what took place.”I hesitated, then touched lightly on a detail or two.“Oh.” The dawn broke.“Well, I can’t do that.” Then with cheerful assurance, “But it doesn’t matter; I know all about it first hand.” I stared at him.“In the hospital after the Restoration Procedure.I awoke one night and this orderly had me in his mouth.I was, of course, puzzled and—”“Rover.”“Yes, and of course nothing happened.Because nothing could.But he didn’t know that.He was really aroused, and then he became completely angry when he found out that I couldn’t—”“Rover.?”“Yes?”“I don’t care!”“Well that’s what I meant about my being embarrassed.And why it’s different with you; when your body become confused, you do your best to hide it.You’ve never made me uncomfortable, and I like you for it.Now go on, please.”The first night I fell asleep talking, absolutely worn out, only to awaken, and find he’d carried me to my couch and was about to join me in the darkness.“What in the name of the Goat God—!”I pushed at him to let go of me and get up.“I mean no harm.You know that by now, Chrome.I only want—”“Will you please go away? Now!”A pause, a near-inaudible “Yes,” and I heard him pad to his couch on the other side of the cabinets which partitioned our sleeping areas.The next day.That evening.The following day.That evening, and at last I was through; I’d told him everything.At the sensual parts he’d nod politely or stop me shrewdly at attempted omissions, but matters of fighting and uniforms and weapons—! These brought forth a veritable battery of avid questions and requests for retelling.I grew dizzy with talking; hoarse, numb, exhausted.Ultimately I threw myself onto the pillows by the fire-pit with a great exhalation of relief.“There! You have it all, Rover, everything.Now, please, not another question out of you!”He was quiet for some little time.Then he spoke in a tone I hadn’t heard from him before; an element of suspicion had entered.“I’ve been wondering.The two of us in this situation.It has many elements.”“Of what?”“The past.Of you and Vortex and the Cabin.” He paused and frowned in thought.“Jamison might know.He was in charge following the plastic surgery.He was one of the first people I learned to recognize after the Restoration Procedure.But no; the times aren’t right.You see, they gave me this face, remade it, long before Vortex struck the bargain with S.O.R.A.for your freedom; even before you were selected from your graduating class as a Warrior candidate.“Perhaps S.O.R.A.had earlier planned some other means of catching Vortex off guard and assassinating him, and then using the ruse of my redone looks, at a distance, as a substitute for his.It would have made Vortex appear leader of some treachery which actually had originated with S.O.R.A.Yes, the resemblance I bear to Vortex may have been created as part of some such deviousness as that.”“But certainly not to act as merely ‘gift wrapping,’ the eye-catching outer cover of a thoughtful present from Jamison,” I said.“To ease the loss, to pacify me and deflect my attentions? Hardly now, at this late date!”“Please, Chrome, no offense.I’m not comparing myself with Vortex.I could never begin to give you what he—!”“The point, Rover.”Silence as he studied me with those soft brown eyes.“I’m wrong to think this guarding here with you was planned far in advance.It’s only part of a coincidence.A wonderful coincidence—for me, at least.”Warmly he started for me.“Rover,” I got up quickly, “I can’t stay now.I’m very tired.It’s late and I’m going to bed—which I’ve learned how to do very well by myself!”This last was to further ward him off.I had to get away and sleep.“You’ve told me so much, Chrome.I know it wasn’t easy; I just wanted to thank you.”He had said he couldn’t be hurt, so maybe the pain I saw in his eyes was a trick of light from the fire-pit.* * *Sleep came quickly that night but was fitful, filled with tossings and turnings.Around midnight I gave up and sat on the edge of my couch.Whatever giant mechanisms controlled our bubble’s atmosphere worked noiselessly now to renew it; their labors caused the warmth of a slight breeze to rustle the carefully wrought palm fronds which thatched the roof.Against the faint glow of night lights from the sleeping Complex far below us, I could see Rover’s outline.He was hunched up on the ledge of the porch nearest me.Guarding? I coughed quietly and pretended a yawn to tell him of my approach [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]