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.Coldly, deliberately, heidentified the toothpaste tube, the razor blade, the dishes, the items on Me grocery billwhen She had cooked something special for a boy friend, and so on.The wife sat theremute, obviously upset and distressed.She was amazed at the acuity of his unconsciousrecognition.Gerald also made some errors in his statements about what must havehappened, and she had to accept those errors because she had to be quiet.I didn't wanther to defend herself or she would transform the situation.She wanted to defend herself,but her emotion went into the idea, f might as well take that disgrace as well." She waspunishing herself with the weapon her husband was offering.When he finished what he had to say, I told his wife, "You go out into the other roomand I'll ask your husband what should be done next" I talked to him alone.He had receivedthe passive acknowledgment by her silence and knew it was all true.He said, "Whatshould I do?" I said, "You've got a lot of thinking to do.Do you want to continue yourmarriage, do you want a divorce, or do you want a separation?" He said, "1 love her verymuch.I'd like to put all of this in the past." I told him, "That's an impulsive utterance.Suppose you come back here a week from now.In the meantime, don't see your wife.Doall of your own thinking by yourself."He went home, and she went to a hotel at my suggestion.I set an appointment for herin a week's time, and an appointment for him.I happened to set the appointments at thesame time, but they didn't know that; each was expecting just to see me.So they me inunprepared.When they came in, I asked the question the husband would have asked if he hadthought of it.I said, "Before we begin the interview to determine your future, there's onequestion I want to ask: You've been living at a hotel this past week.Has your bed beenoccupied only by you?"She replied, "1 was tempted several times, but I figured that my husband might want meback.I knew I wanted to come back, and I didn't want to gamble for a few minutes'pleasure."They did little discussing of the affairs, so I had to ask the personal questions.I askedsome of him and some of her.I Said, "What about ) our good friend Jack?" He said, "Heused to he a good friend, but he'll get the go-by next time I see him." I asked his wife,"What about Bill?" There were a half dozen college men she was having affairs with, and Inoted the ones her husband emphasized and asked him about those, and I asked herabout the others.They were disposed of.I wanted the confrontation in my presence because I didn't want an argument wherethey would go back to previous patterns of behavior.He would think, "If I had said this."and she would think, "If I had answered that." Then it's a reaffirmation of past patterns.With the confrontation, the separation, and the confrontation again, there was nopossibility of an argument until this red-hot situation had cooled down.It wasn't too difficultto keep them from dwelling on the past - I wanted to know about the future, not the past.Isthis a termination of your relationship or the beginning of a new one? If it's termination-period.If it's a new relationship, what do you want out of it?The two of them went back together, and the problem of affairs did not come up again.A year later when I saw them, they were saving money and planning children, which theylater had.For a number of years I met them socially.Once some years later I was talkingwith him and lie reminisced about marriage.He corn, commented, "That was about the timeI discovered my wife was just another woman," and he said it with amusement in hisvoice. Although some marital problems are clearly a part of a struggle in a marriage,others can appear as a symptom in an individual, Many symptoms of an individualare obviously a product of a marital situation and are dealt with by Erickson in sucha way that the Symptom and the marital problems are both resolved.The way heworks is often so subtle that a detailed presentation of a case is in order here.A patient came in because of choking spells, gasping spells, all.gone feelings in herchest, the fear that she could not survive another half hour.When did these chokingspells, gasping spells develop? She said any, time of day or night.But it wasn't long be.fore I discovered that they tended to develop before bedtime.I also found out that theydeveloped at noontime, in the evening, at lunchtime, when friends came in to visit, if risquéstones were told.And so I let my patient think that she was separating hersymptomatology from the bedroom by relating it also to casual visits from neighbors,casual social groups.But I always managed to get her to think of some risqué story anext-door neighbor told, some risqué story that was told at a social gathering.Usually Iobjected to the patient's telling me the story.Let's put an inhibition on the narration of thestory.The purpose would be to get the inhibitions out and working, but to inhibit somethingelse; MI inhibit the story, the narration of the story, rather than inhibit her breathing.Thereis no some in trying to deprive her of her pattern of using inhibitions.Give her to and lots ofopportunity to use inhibitions.And so I let her inhibit herself from telling me the stories, but Iinstructed her to inhibit herself.She would not have told them to me anyway, but I merelytook that over.Then I pointed out to her that this choking and gasping just before she wentto bed most have made preparation for bed difficult.Did the steam from the shower bathaggravate her clicking and her gasping? She had to think about that, but what she didn'tknow was that she was thinking about herself in the node.And I was enabled by thatquestion to get her to think about herself while in the nude without asking her to go throughthe process of undressing.So she was doing that for me as she studied that.Then Iasked her if stepping from the shower out onto the bath mat - that sodden change intemperature from the warm, moist air of the shower into the relatively cool air of thebathroom-did that sudden change of temperature on her skin aggravate her breathing inany way, increase the choking or the gasping? If it did, would drying herself with thetowel and robbing her body improve it, lessen it, or what did it do? The woman is thinkingabout herself, rather extensively, in the nude out in the open in the room, not behind ashower curtain, and she is discussing that openly with me.Then the next thing I wanted to do with her was to raise the question of what in thebedroom could possibly cause that choking, gasping, and painful feeling in her chest.Because she would develop that maybe an hour or an hour and a half before bedtime.Therefore it was the psychological anticipation of something in the bedroom.Something inthe bedroom! Not something going to be in the bedroom, but something in the bedroom.I assume her problem is related to the bedroom by virtue of that extreme, laborious wayin which she smoothes down her dress and tucks her feet very carefully under the chair,holds herself rigidly and primly, the high-necked blouse she is wearing, the hair pulledstraight back in a completely prim fashion, the fact that I know she's got only one child.Herentire manner is one of extreme and rigid, prudish modesty.All of her behavior suggeststhat - I don't know if it is so or not.But she is rigidly, primly modest, and she chokes andgasps every night.Already in the discussion I've offered, she has faced the fact that she is nude out inthe middle of the room, and a strange man is discussing her bare skin [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]
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.Coldly, deliberately, heidentified the toothpaste tube, the razor blade, the dishes, the items on Me grocery billwhen She had cooked something special for a boy friend, and so on.The wife sat theremute, obviously upset and distressed.She was amazed at the acuity of his unconsciousrecognition.Gerald also made some errors in his statements about what must havehappened, and she had to accept those errors because she had to be quiet.I didn't wanther to defend herself or she would transform the situation.She wanted to defend herself,but her emotion went into the idea, f might as well take that disgrace as well." She waspunishing herself with the weapon her husband was offering.When he finished what he had to say, I told his wife, "You go out into the other roomand I'll ask your husband what should be done next" I talked to him alone.He had receivedthe passive acknowledgment by her silence and knew it was all true.He said, "Whatshould I do?" I said, "You've got a lot of thinking to do.Do you want to continue yourmarriage, do you want a divorce, or do you want a separation?" He said, "1 love her verymuch.I'd like to put all of this in the past." I told him, "That's an impulsive utterance.Suppose you come back here a week from now.In the meantime, don't see your wife.Doall of your own thinking by yourself."He went home, and she went to a hotel at my suggestion.I set an appointment for herin a week's time, and an appointment for him.I happened to set the appointments at thesame time, but they didn't know that; each was expecting just to see me.So they me inunprepared.When they came in, I asked the question the husband would have asked if he hadthought of it.I said, "Before we begin the interview to determine your future, there's onequestion I want to ask: You've been living at a hotel this past week.Has your bed beenoccupied only by you?"She replied, "1 was tempted several times, but I figured that my husband might want meback.I knew I wanted to come back, and I didn't want to gamble for a few minutes'pleasure."They did little discussing of the affairs, so I had to ask the personal questions.I askedsome of him and some of her.I Said, "What about ) our good friend Jack?" He said, "Heused to he a good friend, but he'll get the go-by next time I see him." I asked his wife,"What about Bill?" There were a half dozen college men she was having affairs with, and Inoted the ones her husband emphasized and asked him about those, and I asked herabout the others.They were disposed of.I wanted the confrontation in my presence because I didn't want an argument wherethey would go back to previous patterns of behavior.He would think, "If I had said this."and she would think, "If I had answered that." Then it's a reaffirmation of past patterns.With the confrontation, the separation, and the confrontation again, there was nopossibility of an argument until this red-hot situation had cooled down.It wasn't too difficultto keep them from dwelling on the past - I wanted to know about the future, not the past.Isthis a termination of your relationship or the beginning of a new one? If it's termination-period.If it's a new relationship, what do you want out of it?The two of them went back together, and the problem of affairs did not come up again.A year later when I saw them, they were saving money and planning children, which theylater had.For a number of years I met them socially.Once some years later I was talkingwith him and lie reminisced about marriage.He corn, commented, "That was about the timeI discovered my wife was just another woman," and he said it with amusement in hisvoice. Although some marital problems are clearly a part of a struggle in a marriage,others can appear as a symptom in an individual, Many symptoms of an individualare obviously a product of a marital situation and are dealt with by Erickson in sucha way that the Symptom and the marital problems are both resolved.The way heworks is often so subtle that a detailed presentation of a case is in order here.A patient came in because of choking spells, gasping spells, all.gone feelings in herchest, the fear that she could not survive another half hour.When did these chokingspells, gasping spells develop? She said any, time of day or night.But it wasn't long be.fore I discovered that they tended to develop before bedtime.I also found out that theydeveloped at noontime, in the evening, at lunchtime, when friends came in to visit, if risquéstones were told.And so I let my patient think that she was separating hersymptomatology from the bedroom by relating it also to casual visits from neighbors,casual social groups.But I always managed to get her to think of some risqué story anext-door neighbor told, some risqué story that was told at a social gathering.Usually Iobjected to the patient's telling me the story.Let's put an inhibition on the narration of thestory.The purpose would be to get the inhibitions out and working, but to inhibit somethingelse; MI inhibit the story, the narration of the story, rather than inhibit her breathing.Thereis no some in trying to deprive her of her pattern of using inhibitions.Give her to and lots ofopportunity to use inhibitions.And so I let her inhibit herself from telling me the stories, but Iinstructed her to inhibit herself.She would not have told them to me anyway, but I merelytook that over.Then I pointed out to her that this choking and gasping just before she wentto bed most have made preparation for bed difficult.Did the steam from the shower bathaggravate her clicking and her gasping? She had to think about that, but what she didn'tknow was that she was thinking about herself in the node.And I was enabled by thatquestion to get her to think about herself while in the nude without asking her to go throughthe process of undressing.So she was doing that for me as she studied that.Then Iasked her if stepping from the shower out onto the bath mat - that sodden change intemperature from the warm, moist air of the shower into the relatively cool air of thebathroom-did that sudden change of temperature on her skin aggravate her breathing inany way, increase the choking or the gasping? If it did, would drying herself with thetowel and robbing her body improve it, lessen it, or what did it do? The woman is thinkingabout herself, rather extensively, in the nude out in the open in the room, not behind ashower curtain, and she is discussing that openly with me.Then the next thing I wanted to do with her was to raise the question of what in thebedroom could possibly cause that choking, gasping, and painful feeling in her chest.Because she would develop that maybe an hour or an hour and a half before bedtime.Therefore it was the psychological anticipation of something in the bedroom.Something inthe bedroom! Not something going to be in the bedroom, but something in the bedroom.I assume her problem is related to the bedroom by virtue of that extreme, laborious wayin which she smoothes down her dress and tucks her feet very carefully under the chair,holds herself rigidly and primly, the high-necked blouse she is wearing, the hair pulledstraight back in a completely prim fashion, the fact that I know she's got only one child.Herentire manner is one of extreme and rigid, prudish modesty.All of her behavior suggeststhat - I don't know if it is so or not.But she is rigidly, primly modest, and she chokes andgasps every night.Already in the discussion I've offered, she has faced the fact that she is nude out inthe middle of the room, and a strange man is discussing her bare skin [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]