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.And honestly, I started to wonder if I had built her up in my head over the years.But one look at her last night, even through a dirty window and into a dimly lit room, and I knew I hadn’t.If anything, my memories were a diluted image of the real thing.Maybe it’s the time that’s passed.Maybe it’s because I’ve missed her so much.Maybe it’s just because she’s older now.But Briar isn’t pretty anymore.She’s not cute or awkward.Briar’s beautiful.And all sorts of sexy.It pisses me off on so many levels.One, because she should be mine.All this time—she should have been mine.Two, because I can’t fucking have her.Three, because regardless of whether I can have her or not, I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything—not excluding a high.Four, because she will never want the me that I am now.Five, because I know someone else has her.And six, because I missed out on everything.Every.Single.Fucking.Thing.I’m six levels high on the My Life Sucks scale.I’m pretty damn sure it shouldn’t even go this far and I could keep on going.I just put the little bit of family we have left in danger by coming home.I have no future because when Delphi finds me—and it is only a matter of when—he’ll pick us off, one by one.I can’t do that to my family.I know I can’t stay, but I have no money and nowhere else to go.I rake my fingers through my hair, yanking on the ends.I need the pain.It’s a hell of a lot better than drowning in the shit my life is made up of.The door opens slowly.A bleach-blonde head comes into view before the rest of Megan’s thin body.She closes the door just as quietly as she opened it and crawls back into bed.Her feet touch mine.They’re cold and it’s hard not to pull away.I silently add her to the list that makes my life a shit storm.It’s not her fault.I knew who she was when we met.That’s why I chose her.But now I just want out of whatever the hell this is.I need her.Not the way a man needs a woman.Not because I love her or want her.But because she can set part of my life back on course.It’s just a piece, but it’s a vital one.“Good morning,” she whispers.Her breath is ashy as her lips brush across mine.Her hair smells like smoke.It doesn’t bother me like it would most non-smokers.I’m used to it, I guess.But at the same time, I don’t want her mouth on mine.I put my hand up, pressing it against her chest, and push her back slowly.“Megan,” I start.I rub my face and sigh.“I told you it was going to be different here.You and I…”“I know.” Her dark eyes search mine for several seconds before she lays back and places her arm over them.“I remember,” she adds stiffly.“No drugs.No drinking.No sex.No fun.That about right?”I laugh softly.“Pretty much.” I sit up and swing my legs onto the floor.I can feel her eyes on me as I pick up my jeans and search the pockets.My hand hits the familiar plastic and I pluck the baggie out.I turn so she can see me count them.I’ve been cutting down, weaning myself for a few days now—ever since Jaxon and I called Grandpa to tell him Mom was dead.But today will be Megan’s first day.For my plan to work, we both need to be clean.It’s not going to be an easy road.I count them all just so she’s aware I know exactly how many pills there are.I hand her three and pop two into my own mouth.She doesn’t swallow them like I do.Instead, she pushes herself up and places them on the nightstand.I watch as she picks up the TV remote and smashes the small pills into dust, careful not to lose any.Even though this isn’t the way I take mine, I can’t look away.And even though I can still feel the path the pills took down my throat, the craving hits me ferociously.Just from watching.The sickest part is when she bends forward and snorts the powder up her nose it makes me horny as hell.I want to lick the remaining dust from the stand, the remote, her nose, and then fuck her hard until mine kicks in.I feel my dick grow hard, thickening beneath my boxers, and it takes a shit-ton of effort I really don’t have right now to stay where I am.Megan’s tongue darts out and swipes up the little remnants left over, and then turns to me.She leaves the tip of her tongue out, the oxy powder like a paste there.I can’t hold back any longer.I lean into her and suck it off her tongue.As soon as the taste is in my mouth, the guilt sets in.I pull back.Close my eyes as I swallow it down, and then shove myself up.I need to get away from her.Away from the baggie.Away from everything.As I slide my jeans on, I realize I don’t have anywhere to go [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.And honestly, I started to wonder if I had built her up in my head over the years.But one look at her last night, even through a dirty window and into a dimly lit room, and I knew I hadn’t.If anything, my memories were a diluted image of the real thing.Maybe it’s the time that’s passed.Maybe it’s because I’ve missed her so much.Maybe it’s just because she’s older now.But Briar isn’t pretty anymore.She’s not cute or awkward.Briar’s beautiful.And all sorts of sexy.It pisses me off on so many levels.One, because she should be mine.All this time—she should have been mine.Two, because I can’t fucking have her.Three, because regardless of whether I can have her or not, I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything—not excluding a high.Four, because she will never want the me that I am now.Five, because I know someone else has her.And six, because I missed out on everything.Every.Single.Fucking.Thing.I’m six levels high on the My Life Sucks scale.I’m pretty damn sure it shouldn’t even go this far and I could keep on going.I just put the little bit of family we have left in danger by coming home.I have no future because when Delphi finds me—and it is only a matter of when—he’ll pick us off, one by one.I can’t do that to my family.I know I can’t stay, but I have no money and nowhere else to go.I rake my fingers through my hair, yanking on the ends.I need the pain.It’s a hell of a lot better than drowning in the shit my life is made up of.The door opens slowly.A bleach-blonde head comes into view before the rest of Megan’s thin body.She closes the door just as quietly as she opened it and crawls back into bed.Her feet touch mine.They’re cold and it’s hard not to pull away.I silently add her to the list that makes my life a shit storm.It’s not her fault.I knew who she was when we met.That’s why I chose her.But now I just want out of whatever the hell this is.I need her.Not the way a man needs a woman.Not because I love her or want her.But because she can set part of my life back on course.It’s just a piece, but it’s a vital one.“Good morning,” she whispers.Her breath is ashy as her lips brush across mine.Her hair smells like smoke.It doesn’t bother me like it would most non-smokers.I’m used to it, I guess.But at the same time, I don’t want her mouth on mine.I put my hand up, pressing it against her chest, and push her back slowly.“Megan,” I start.I rub my face and sigh.“I told you it was going to be different here.You and I…”“I know.” Her dark eyes search mine for several seconds before she lays back and places her arm over them.“I remember,” she adds stiffly.“No drugs.No drinking.No sex.No fun.That about right?”I laugh softly.“Pretty much.” I sit up and swing my legs onto the floor.I can feel her eyes on me as I pick up my jeans and search the pockets.My hand hits the familiar plastic and I pluck the baggie out.I turn so she can see me count them.I’ve been cutting down, weaning myself for a few days now—ever since Jaxon and I called Grandpa to tell him Mom was dead.But today will be Megan’s first day.For my plan to work, we both need to be clean.It’s not going to be an easy road.I count them all just so she’s aware I know exactly how many pills there are.I hand her three and pop two into my own mouth.She doesn’t swallow them like I do.Instead, she pushes herself up and places them on the nightstand.I watch as she picks up the TV remote and smashes the small pills into dust, careful not to lose any.Even though this isn’t the way I take mine, I can’t look away.And even though I can still feel the path the pills took down my throat, the craving hits me ferociously.Just from watching.The sickest part is when she bends forward and snorts the powder up her nose it makes me horny as hell.I want to lick the remaining dust from the stand, the remote, her nose, and then fuck her hard until mine kicks in.I feel my dick grow hard, thickening beneath my boxers, and it takes a shit-ton of effort I really don’t have right now to stay where I am.Megan’s tongue darts out and swipes up the little remnants left over, and then turns to me.She leaves the tip of her tongue out, the oxy powder like a paste there.I can’t hold back any longer.I lean into her and suck it off her tongue.As soon as the taste is in my mouth, the guilt sets in.I pull back.Close my eyes as I swallow it down, and then shove myself up.I need to get away from her.Away from the baggie.Away from everything.As I slide my jeans on, I realize I don’t have anywhere to go [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]