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."He was going to fall apart sooner or later anyway, youknow he was.But it's nothing you can't fix, is it? You've got all that wool.You can makehim better again, can't you? I know you can.""You don't understand." It's almost impossible to get what he's saying, his voice isshuddering so much from crying.Lindsay has to stroke his hair back and touch his face toget him to lift it out of the pillows and look at him so he can hear properly."Cos youcan't understand.He's mine.""I know, sweetheart.Stop crying, now.It's okay.""No, it ain't okay and no you don't know cos you always had nice stuff and nicepeople and I never did." He stops, to gulp in air and try to control himself."I know it'sjust a stupid little toy monkey, I ain't dim, I know it's just a filthy fucking rag, okay? Buthe's mine.""Calm down." He brushes his fingers through Valentine's hair, gentle and slow.Gradually his crying starts to taper off.He puts the monkey's foot in his mouth.Just thisonce, Lindsay can't bring himself to tell him off for it.He just goes on running his fingersthrough the tangled strands of hair until Valentine's finally quiet."I do understand.""How?""You're not the only one who knows what it's like to love a stupid little multi-coloured rag with a big nose."Valentine lets out a sudden little burst of laughter, bright and surprised andpleased.Lindsay kisses his forehead and holds his hand under the covers, and somehowthey don't need to speak again for a very long time. Pip Valentine33.April 2010Pip has been standing in the corner for half an hour now.The burning sting on hisbackside has faded to a sort of dull heat, but he's feeling the pain in his arms instead.He'snot allowed to take his hands off his head because he's not allowed to rub the sorenessfrom his smacked arse.Even when it's stopped hurting he's still not allowed to take hishands off his head til Lindsay says so.That's part of the.thing.He always wants to callit a game, but it's not always a game, not really.He can hear Lindsay in the room behind him, going through paperwork or bills orsomething boring like that.He sounds alright, he seems cheerful enough, he's even sort ofhumming to himself a bit.He's nothing like he was earlier, jumpy and pissed off andpretending not to be nervous, getting himself all in a state til Pip bit his lip, readiedhimself and dropped a glass on purpose and wouldn't clear the shards up when Lindsaytold him to.He got a hell of a going over for that more than he deserved, he thinks,trying to shift his arms a bit to ease the ache without drawing attention to himself.Hedoesn't mind, not really.If this is the only way he's allowed to help with the job, he'll bethe fucking best human-sized stress ball there's ever been.The rustle of papers behind him stops, replaced by the gentle pad of socked feeton the carpet.He goes still immediately, never mind the ache in his arms.He even holdshis breath to be stiller, and only lets it out in a long, quiet whoosh when Lindsay kissesover his clasped fingers, slips an arm around his waist and tugs at his wrist with the otherhand so he knows he's allowed to take his hands off his head now."Okay," he murmurs, right against Pip's ear so the touch of air and whiskersmakes him shiver."What's going to happen next time I ask you to do something?"He's using the warm voice that means he'll probably want to play soon.Pip leansback against him, just a little bit, just to check if it's alright, then more when Lindsay putshis other arm around with the first.Lindsay's hard, pressing the rough denim of his jeansagainst Pip's roasted backside."I'll do it," he says, not much more than a whisper, covering Lindsay's clutchinghands with his own and finding the little gaps between his fingers so he can wind themtogether."No questions and no arguing, I'll do it.""You said that last time.""Yeah, but next time I will, honest.""You said that last time, too."There's a smile in his voice, so Pip smiles back even though Lindsay can't seehim.It's easy to forget there's a big room and the rest of the house behind them, standinglike this with his nose only a few inches away from where the two walls meet and Lindsay draped around him like a blanket."Tell me you love me," Pip says, leaning into him, trying to soak up all hiswarmth."Don't tell me what to do.""Please.""Why?""Cos I like hearing it.""I love you.""Tell me when I'm not expecting it, next time.Don't tell me just cos I ask you to.""Oh, shut up.Go and get dressed.""Okay." He turns round, twisting reluctantly out of their embrace, and puts a kisson Lindsay's cheek like he always does after he's been told off and forgiven, like a ritual."What shall I wear?""Whatever you want, you can pick."He puts on Lindsay's pyjamas from last night, the blue stripy ones he's alwaystrying to get rid of because he says they're old and horrible.Pip won't let him do it andLindsay goes along with him, being all fake-exasperated and indulgent.It's only becausehe doesn't understand.Lindsay likes when things are new and neat without little cottonbobbles ruining the smooth fabric and ragged frayed bits on the ends of the drawstring.He doesn't get how nice it is when things go this soft when they're old there's almost ajoke there, Pip thinks to himself as he's cuffing the too-long ankles and wrists, and he'sstill smirking at Lindsay's reaction in his mind when he goes back into the living room."What's so funny?"Lindsay's a perfect picture of calculated indifference, sitting there in his armchairholding the paper like he's actually interested in it and not just waiting for Pip to comeback."Oh.Nothing.I was just.hey, can I see that?""What?""That thing, that bit on the front page, can I see?"Lindsay raises his eyebrows and holds the paper out to him, but Pip doesn't readit; he folds the paper in half and kneels in front of the rack by the sofa so he can cram it inwith everything else, then he crawls back to the chair and rests his forearms on Lindsay'sknees, and his chin on his arms.Lindsay's laughing a bit and trying to pretend he isn't."I was reading that.Whatdo you want?""Is your hand sore?" That makes his face straighten.He doesn't answer, but he letsPip take his hand and unfurl his fingers, one by one.The skin there isn't red any more, itdoesn't look any different to normal, but Pip bends his head to it anyway and presses agentle, snuffly kiss right in the middle of his palm, and a ring of kisses around it, and allup and down his fingers.Lindsay smells of the fresh unsmoked tobacco he must havebeen rolling behind Pip's back while he was standing in the corner."What are you doing?"Pip doesn't answer [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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."He was going to fall apart sooner or later anyway, youknow he was.But it's nothing you can't fix, is it? You've got all that wool.You can makehim better again, can't you? I know you can.""You don't understand." It's almost impossible to get what he's saying, his voice isshuddering so much from crying.Lindsay has to stroke his hair back and touch his face toget him to lift it out of the pillows and look at him so he can hear properly."Cos youcan't understand.He's mine.""I know, sweetheart.Stop crying, now.It's okay.""No, it ain't okay and no you don't know cos you always had nice stuff and nicepeople and I never did." He stops, to gulp in air and try to control himself."I know it'sjust a stupid little toy monkey, I ain't dim, I know it's just a filthy fucking rag, okay? Buthe's mine.""Calm down." He brushes his fingers through Valentine's hair, gentle and slow.Gradually his crying starts to taper off.He puts the monkey's foot in his mouth.Just thisonce, Lindsay can't bring himself to tell him off for it.He just goes on running his fingersthrough the tangled strands of hair until Valentine's finally quiet."I do understand.""How?""You're not the only one who knows what it's like to love a stupid little multi-coloured rag with a big nose."Valentine lets out a sudden little burst of laughter, bright and surprised andpleased.Lindsay kisses his forehead and holds his hand under the covers, and somehowthey don't need to speak again for a very long time. Pip Valentine33.April 2010Pip has been standing in the corner for half an hour now.The burning sting on hisbackside has faded to a sort of dull heat, but he's feeling the pain in his arms instead.He'snot allowed to take his hands off his head because he's not allowed to rub the sorenessfrom his smacked arse.Even when it's stopped hurting he's still not allowed to take hishands off his head til Lindsay says so.That's part of the.thing.He always wants to callit a game, but it's not always a game, not really.He can hear Lindsay in the room behind him, going through paperwork or bills orsomething boring like that.He sounds alright, he seems cheerful enough, he's even sort ofhumming to himself a bit.He's nothing like he was earlier, jumpy and pissed off andpretending not to be nervous, getting himself all in a state til Pip bit his lip, readiedhimself and dropped a glass on purpose and wouldn't clear the shards up when Lindsaytold him to.He got a hell of a going over for that more than he deserved, he thinks,trying to shift his arms a bit to ease the ache without drawing attention to himself.Hedoesn't mind, not really.If this is the only way he's allowed to help with the job, he'll bethe fucking best human-sized stress ball there's ever been.The rustle of papers behind him stops, replaced by the gentle pad of socked feeton the carpet.He goes still immediately, never mind the ache in his arms.He even holdshis breath to be stiller, and only lets it out in a long, quiet whoosh when Lindsay kissesover his clasped fingers, slips an arm around his waist and tugs at his wrist with the otherhand so he knows he's allowed to take his hands off his head now."Okay," he murmurs, right against Pip's ear so the touch of air and whiskersmakes him shiver."What's going to happen next time I ask you to do something?"He's using the warm voice that means he'll probably want to play soon.Pip leansback against him, just a little bit, just to check if it's alright, then more when Lindsay putshis other arm around with the first.Lindsay's hard, pressing the rough denim of his jeansagainst Pip's roasted backside."I'll do it," he says, not much more than a whisper, covering Lindsay's clutchinghands with his own and finding the little gaps between his fingers so he can wind themtogether."No questions and no arguing, I'll do it.""You said that last time.""Yeah, but next time I will, honest.""You said that last time, too."There's a smile in his voice, so Pip smiles back even though Lindsay can't seehim.It's easy to forget there's a big room and the rest of the house behind them, standinglike this with his nose only a few inches away from where the two walls meet and Lindsay draped around him like a blanket."Tell me you love me," Pip says, leaning into him, trying to soak up all hiswarmth."Don't tell me what to do.""Please.""Why?""Cos I like hearing it.""I love you.""Tell me when I'm not expecting it, next time.Don't tell me just cos I ask you to.""Oh, shut up.Go and get dressed.""Okay." He turns round, twisting reluctantly out of their embrace, and puts a kisson Lindsay's cheek like he always does after he's been told off and forgiven, like a ritual."What shall I wear?""Whatever you want, you can pick."He puts on Lindsay's pyjamas from last night, the blue stripy ones he's alwaystrying to get rid of because he says they're old and horrible.Pip won't let him do it andLindsay goes along with him, being all fake-exasperated and indulgent.It's only becausehe doesn't understand.Lindsay likes when things are new and neat without little cottonbobbles ruining the smooth fabric and ragged frayed bits on the ends of the drawstring.He doesn't get how nice it is when things go this soft when they're old there's almost ajoke there, Pip thinks to himself as he's cuffing the too-long ankles and wrists, and he'sstill smirking at Lindsay's reaction in his mind when he goes back into the living room."What's so funny?"Lindsay's a perfect picture of calculated indifference, sitting there in his armchairholding the paper like he's actually interested in it and not just waiting for Pip to comeback."Oh.Nothing.I was just.hey, can I see that?""What?""That thing, that bit on the front page, can I see?"Lindsay raises his eyebrows and holds the paper out to him, but Pip doesn't readit; he folds the paper in half and kneels in front of the rack by the sofa so he can cram it inwith everything else, then he crawls back to the chair and rests his forearms on Lindsay'sknees, and his chin on his arms.Lindsay's laughing a bit and trying to pretend he isn't."I was reading that.Whatdo you want?""Is your hand sore?" That makes his face straighten.He doesn't answer, but he letsPip take his hand and unfurl his fingers, one by one.The skin there isn't red any more, itdoesn't look any different to normal, but Pip bends his head to it anyway and presses agentle, snuffly kiss right in the middle of his palm, and a ring of kisses around it, and allup and down his fingers.Lindsay smells of the fresh unsmoked tobacco he must havebeen rolling behind Pip's back while he was standing in the corner."What are you doing?"Pip doesn't answer [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]