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.Now I know.""He hates me now.And who could blame him? But it's for the best," shewept."It's for the best.""He frightens you?""Aye.""And your feelings for him frighten you?""Oh, aye.I don't want them, my lady, I can't have them.He won'tchange.He'll not be happy until he gets himself killed or hanged fortreason.""MacGregors don't kill easily.Here now, have you a handkerchief? I cannever find one myself when it's most needed."Sniffling, Alanna nodded and drew hers out."I beg your pardon, mylady, for causing a scene.""Oh, I enjoy a scene, and cause them whenever possible." She waited tobe sure Alanna was more composed."I will tell you a story of a younggirl who loved very unwisely.She loved a man who it seemed was so wrong for her.She loved in times when there was war and rebellion, anddeath everywhere.She refused him, time and time again.She thought itwas best."Drying her eyes, Alanna sighed."What happened to them?""Oh, he was as pigheaded as she, so they married and had six children.Two grandchildren." Her smile blossomed."I've never regretted a singlemoment.""But this is different.""Love is always the same.And it is never the same." She brushed thehair from Alanna's cheek."I was afraid.""You?""Oh, aye.The more I loved Brigham, the more frightened I was.And theharder I punished us both by denying my feelings.Will you tell me ofyours? Often it helps to speak with another woman."Perhaps it would, Alanna thought.Surely it could hurt no more than italready did."I lost my brother in the war with the French.I was only achild, but I remember him.He was so bright, so beautiful.And like Ian,he could think of nothing but to defend and fight for his land, for hisbeliefs.So he died for them.Within a year, my mother slipped away.Her heart was broken, and it never mended.I've watched my fathergrieve for them, year after year.""There is no loss greater than that of ones you love.My father died inbattle twenty-eight years ago and I still see his face, so clear.I left mymother in Scotland soon after.She died before Amanda was born, butstill lives in my heart." She took both of Alanna's hands, and her eyeswere damp and intense."When the rebellion was crushed, my brotherColl brought Brigham to me.He had been shot and was near death.Inmy womb I carried our first child.We were hiding from the English in acave.He lingered between life and death." So Ian's stories to Brian were true, she thought as she stared at the small,slender woman beside her."How could you bear it?""How could I not?" She smiled."He often says I willed him back to lifeso that I could badger him.Perhaps it's true.But I know the fear, Alanna.When this revolution comes, my sons will fight, and there is ice in myblood at the thought that I could lose them.But if I were a man, I wouldpick up a sword and join them.""You're braver than I.""I think not.If your family were threatened, would you hide in a corner,or would you take up arms and protect them?""I would die to protect them.But ""Aye." Serena's smile bloomed again, but it was softer, more seriousthan before."The time will come, and soon, when the men of theColonies will realize we are all one.As a clan.And we will fight to protect each other.Ian knows that now.Is that not why you love him?""Aye." She looked down at their joined hands."If you deny that love, will you be happier than if you embraced it andtook what time God grants you together?""No." She closed her eyes and thought of the past three months ofmisery."I'll never be happy without him I know that now.And yet, allof my life I dreamed of marrying a strong, quiet man, who would becontent to work with me and raise a family.With Ian, there would beconfusion and demands and risks.I would never know a moment'speace." "No," Serena agreed."You would not.Alanna, look into your heart nowand ask yourself but one question.If the power were yours, would youchange him?"She opened her mouth prepared to shout a resounding "Aye!" But herheart, more honest than her head, held another answer."No.SweetJesus, have I been so much a fool not to realize I love him for what he is,not for what I wish he might be?"Satisfied, Serena nodded."Life is all risk, Alanna.There are those whotake them, wholeheartedly, and move forward.And there are those whohide from them and stay in one place.Which are you?"For a long time Alanna sat in silence [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Now I know.""He hates me now.And who could blame him? But it's for the best," shewept."It's for the best.""He frightens you?""Aye.""And your feelings for him frighten you?""Oh, aye.I don't want them, my lady, I can't have them.He won'tchange.He'll not be happy until he gets himself killed or hanged fortreason.""MacGregors don't kill easily.Here now, have you a handkerchief? I cannever find one myself when it's most needed."Sniffling, Alanna nodded and drew hers out."I beg your pardon, mylady, for causing a scene.""Oh, I enjoy a scene, and cause them whenever possible." She waited tobe sure Alanna was more composed."I will tell you a story of a younggirl who loved very unwisely.She loved a man who it seemed was so wrong for her.She loved in times when there was war and rebellion, anddeath everywhere.She refused him, time and time again.She thought itwas best."Drying her eyes, Alanna sighed."What happened to them?""Oh, he was as pigheaded as she, so they married and had six children.Two grandchildren." Her smile blossomed."I've never regretted a singlemoment.""But this is different.""Love is always the same.And it is never the same." She brushed thehair from Alanna's cheek."I was afraid.""You?""Oh, aye.The more I loved Brigham, the more frightened I was.And theharder I punished us both by denying my feelings.Will you tell me ofyours? Often it helps to speak with another woman."Perhaps it would, Alanna thought.Surely it could hurt no more than italready did."I lost my brother in the war with the French.I was only achild, but I remember him.He was so bright, so beautiful.And like Ian,he could think of nothing but to defend and fight for his land, for hisbeliefs.So he died for them.Within a year, my mother slipped away.Her heart was broken, and it never mended.I've watched my fathergrieve for them, year after year.""There is no loss greater than that of ones you love.My father died inbattle twenty-eight years ago and I still see his face, so clear.I left mymother in Scotland soon after.She died before Amanda was born, butstill lives in my heart." She took both of Alanna's hands, and her eyeswere damp and intense."When the rebellion was crushed, my brotherColl brought Brigham to me.He had been shot and was near death.Inmy womb I carried our first child.We were hiding from the English in acave.He lingered between life and death." So Ian's stories to Brian were true, she thought as she stared at the small,slender woman beside her."How could you bear it?""How could I not?" She smiled."He often says I willed him back to lifeso that I could badger him.Perhaps it's true.But I know the fear, Alanna.When this revolution comes, my sons will fight, and there is ice in myblood at the thought that I could lose them.But if I were a man, I wouldpick up a sword and join them.""You're braver than I.""I think not.If your family were threatened, would you hide in a corner,or would you take up arms and protect them?""I would die to protect them.But ""Aye." Serena's smile bloomed again, but it was softer, more seriousthan before."The time will come, and soon, when the men of theColonies will realize we are all one.As a clan.And we will fight to protect each other.Ian knows that now.Is that not why you love him?""Aye." She looked down at their joined hands."If you deny that love, will you be happier than if you embraced it andtook what time God grants you together?""No." She closed her eyes and thought of the past three months ofmisery."I'll never be happy without him I know that now.And yet, allof my life I dreamed of marrying a strong, quiet man, who would becontent to work with me and raise a family.With Ian, there would beconfusion and demands and risks.I would never know a moment'speace." "No," Serena agreed."You would not.Alanna, look into your heart nowand ask yourself but one question.If the power were yours, would youchange him?"She opened her mouth prepared to shout a resounding "Aye!" But herheart, more honest than her head, held another answer."No.SweetJesus, have I been so much a fool not to realize I love him for what he is,not for what I wish he might be?"Satisfied, Serena nodded."Life is all risk, Alanna.There are those whotake them, wholeheartedly, and move forward.And there are those whohide from them and stay in one place.Which are you?"For a long time Alanna sat in silence [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]